NEW DISEASE ALERT IN SPAIN

2 Quick Notes Before the Medical Briefing:

Well, got my first taste of the rain in Spain (which, incidentally Professor Higgins, does not stay in the plains. I am on the mountainous coast! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, sir!) Some of the darkest, angriest clouds I've seen in my life accompanied me on my walks all day. Got quite cool and is supposed to rain for a while now. But that is normal here and the people are used to it and are probably enjoying the cooler weather after last week's atypical heat wave.

Besides the small umbrellas that children have to shade them from the intense (and now fleeting) sunlight, there are stroller ponchos. They come with handy little vents so that the little bugs don't suffocate. And I must add, the majority of the strollers here are tricked out! They look very fancy.

Surprisingly, children are the least of my worries here. It's the grown people that need a stiff backhand once in a while. My most recent studies have brought to my attention a new epidemic that is sweeping over Spain. Forget swine flu a.k.a. H1N1 a.k.a. LA gripe. Now we have: The Fixed-Gaze Plague. It occurs whenever I walk down the street and the Spaniards stare. It is only triggered by non-Spaniards and only occurs in Spaniards. (Little chance of a pandemic so remain calm). They initiate staring, and then never stop. At times they will turn around and continue staring once you have passed them. And it cannot be interrupted or halted by the staree. For example: a polite smile and nod does not dismiss the potent peering and is never acknowledged. And recognition by the staree can sometimes intensify the stare. It's quite uncomfortable, and frankly quite rude. I have endured enough emotional distress from this Spanish sickness and am preparing to strike back. Er, stare back. I can give quite the stink eye, I've been told. And if need be, the stare can turn dirty...a dirty look that would singe them to the core. Should this not be enough, we then could turn to some alternative treatment in the form of a fierce verbal remedy ("What the heck are you looking at señior"?) and then perhaps physical contact - an extended limb to trip or clothesline. This of course would be the extreme and after that..... then we just have a lost cause.

I'm 90% joking. About the physical contact that is.

We all must have "I'M AN AMERICAN" written across our foreheads or something. Perhaps it's our way of dress, our mannerism, or just our look. Spaniards are historically a lean people and maybe we fit the fat American stereotype just enough to be gawked at. It's never because of our accent or chosen spoken language because noise is not required to trigger the sickly behavior. Perhaps I'll learn to ignore it and just think to myself..."they are staring because I am so freaking fabulous."

Until then, I'll practice my stinkeye.I'm quite sure that a Spaniard has one this for the past billion years.